Footsies!
by Adriana Black
Summary: During one of Dumbledore's more boring lectures, a game of footsie is started. Under the House Table, however, it's impossible to tell who's kicking who and some serious misconceptions occur...
1. TwentyFoot List

_**Footsies!**_

**Summary: ****During one of Dumbledore's more boring lectures, a game of footsie is started. Under the House Table, however, it's impossible to tell who's kicking who and some serious misconceptions occur...**

**A/N: First of all, I want to thank La Nanita, my wonderful beta, who gave me this great idea, and who gave me inspiration to write fanfiction again! **

**My updates will most likely be very irregular, but I'll try to update as often and as soon as possible. **

**But I won't hold you back any longer, enjoy the story! And don't forget to R&R! Puppy dog eyes**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, niks, nada, ****rien, nichts, niente, n-, well you get my point. Sticks out tongue**

_Chapter 1__ – Twenty-Foot List__  
_   
"Welcome, to another year at Hogwarts! I hope our new first years will enjoy their time at this school, and I hope that our older students will give them a good example!" The headmaster then paused and looked pointedly and the Weasley twins, who just grinned and looked back at him with very convincing, innocent eyes.

Not far away from where Fred and George were sitting, Ron and Seamus were complaining about wanting to eat, and about how they were going to die of hunger. As though Dumbledore had heard them, he continued: "I know all of you are eager to feast on our excellent food, but alas, I must delay you for I have a few announcements."

Groans were heard throughout the hall. A Hufflepuff burst into tears. "I see you are all very excited to hear what I have to say!" the old coot said happily, seemingly completely oblivious to the many now flabbergasted faces of his students.

"Now where was I? It seems that with the excitement of it all, I have forgotten what I was going to say!" Professor McGonagall, who was sitting right next to Dumbledore, suddenly hissed quite audibly: "For Merlin's sake Albus, please, do get on with it!" If it were possible, Dumbledore's eyes twinkled even more, and now had a mischievous gleam.

"Right! I remember now! I have a few announcements to make. We have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Remus Lupin!" Clapping was heard throughout the hall, but applause was noticeably absent from the Slytherin side. "Argus Filch also wishes me to tell you the that a few items have been added to the ban list. Anyone in possesion of one of these items will serve 1 month's detention with Filch and the items will naturally be destroyed." Dumbledore said darkly, he then smiled again and said in a chipper voice, "I will read them aloud." Dumbledore started searching for something, until Professor McGonagall gave him what he was looking for, a twenty-foot piece of parchment. As Dumbledore held the top of the paper, the bottom rolled down onto the floor and down the dais, stopping right in front of the house tables.

Dumbledore cleared his throat importantly and started to read aloud the list. "Screaming yo-yos, fanged frisbees, ever-bashing boomerangs, dungbombs, flying carpets, self-shuffling playing cards," The list continued, but none of the Griffindors were listening anymore. "This is so boring!" Ron declared. Hermione gave Ron a look. Dean Thomas gasped, "Don't tell me you're actually listening!" Hermione huffed. "Well, if you had been listening, like I have, you would have known that Exploding Snap has been banned!"

"WHAT?!" Fred or George, Merlin knows which one, exclaimed rather loudly. In the distance, Dumbledore paused for half a second, before continuing as though nothing happened. "What do you mean, Exploding Snaps has been banned? That doesn't make any sense! It's definitely not dangerous!" Ron cried. "And do you think I am  
happy about this! Even if-"But Hermione's lecture was interupted by a gasp that came from Harry.

"Harry? Harry what's wrong? Is it your scar?" Ron whispered the last part so quietly that Harry could barely hear him. "No no, it's- Wait! That wasn't you?" "What wasn't me?" "What you just did, you know?" Harry blushed. "What the hell are y- ARGH!" Everyone stared at the redhead, whose face was about as red as his hair. Well, not everyone, Dumbledore continued his list, oblivious to the chaos that was now forming at the House tables.

"Who did that?" Ron exclaimed. Lavender giggled. "It was you? You did that!" Lavender stared blankly at Ron. "What did I do?" She said genuinely. "How dare you! If you have feelings for me, then just admit it!" Ron shouted. All heads at the Griffindor table turned to Ron and Lavender. And before one could comprehend what was going on, the whispers and rumors started.

"Lavender is in love with Ron?" "No, Ron's in love with Lavender!" "Not from what I heard, Lavender just admitted her undying love for him, but Ron doesn't have feelings for her!" "No you nitwit! He does have feelings for her, that's why he just screamed, he was so happy!" "He screamed because he was angry and frustrated at her!" "What are you guys talking about, I know Lavender, and I also happen to know th-" but Parvati stopped midsentence and looked very pale all of a sudden.

"Parvati?" Percy whispered quietly. At this Parvati looked furiously at Percy, and kicked him, or what she thought was him, and actually turned out to be Hermione. "Ron stop kicking me!" "I'm not kicking you you silly twat!" Parvati kicked again, hoping this time it reached Percy; after all, she needed to make it clear that Percy just wasn't her type, no matter what his feelings were for her. But unfortunately, she kicked Ron. "Ouch! What in Merlin's name was that for? I said I didn't kick you!"  
"Well I didn't kick you either, so there!" Hermione huffed. "Yes you did! Now you're just trying to prove a point, I-" but Ron gasped, again. "Hermione?" he asked. A small grin formed on Ron's face. Hermione looked confused and slightly disgusted.

Harry, on the other hand, was not enjoying himself. He was looking at the Griffindor table, searching desperately for the guilty person that dared play footsie with the Boy-Who-Lived. Fred and George were grinning at the mounting chaos building at the Griffindor table. Parvati seemed to still be kicking the wrong people, Ron was gasping every 10 seconds and then grinning at Hermione. Dumbledore still seemed oblivious to everything but the list. Harry seemed to be glaring at everyone, and unfortunately for Gred and Forge, Harry glared at them.

"Er, Harry?" Fred and George asked rather nervously. Harry's glare deepened. "It was you! How could you do this! How could you betray me like that?!" Harry screamed. The table was silent, and then, as though a bomb had exploded, the rumours started. "Yeah, I heard Fred and George betrayed Harry to Voldemort!" "What! Impossible! They're his best friend's brothers!" "But they were jealous, I heard!" "No you stupid people, it's not that serious, Fred and George just stole his girlfriend!" "Who is Harry's girlfriend?"

Everyone stared at Harry. "Harry, who's your girlfriend?" a brave first year asked. Then, the entire table started searching for Harry's non-existant girlfriend. Ron on the other hand, wasn't paying attention to the ensuing chaos at all, but was closing in on Hermione, who was looking desperate for an escape.

Their lips were only inches apart, when Ron closed in and kissed Hermione.

**A/N: Please R&R! **


	2. Large Tome of at Least 1000 Pages

_**Footsies!**_

**Disclaimer: Do I look like I'm a billionaire? Do I look like I'm in my forties? Do I look like I'm blond? I **_**certainly**_** do not! Therefore, I conclude that I own absolutely nothing, but someone fitting that profile might!**

**Summary: During one of Dumbledore's more boring lectures, a game of footsie is started. Under the House Table, however, it's impossible to tell who's kicking who and some serious misconceptions occur...**

**A/N: Reviews! Yay! Thank you for all those supportive reviewers. I had only 1 flame! Mocks flame mercilessly! I'm sorry I took so long! I **_**know**_** I promised this chapter the day before yesterday, but a lot of things have gotten in the way:**

**- Laziness **

**- Work**

**- Writer's block**

**Which reminds me, I want to thank my mum for saving me! I was stuck, cause I didn't know how to end this fic, she got so annoyed by my whining, she made a sort of joke ending, which was perfect! After I shared my opinion, she groaned and said that I better not give her any credit, so here I am, defying my mother's orders! Grinns evilly!**

**Oh yeah, this is the unbetaed version, so pardon my spelling mistakes. As soon as my beta sends me back the corrected version I'll post it okay?**

**I won't hold you back any longer! Enjoy!**

_Chapter 2 - Large Tome of at Least 1000 P__ages_

_Their lips were only inches apart, when Ron closed in and kissed Hermione._

'_Slap!' _

The entire Gryffindor table turned to the redhead and the brunette. Ron was touching his slapped cheek, staring at Hermione in shock.

"Hermione? Wha-? I- I thought you wanted this!"

Hermione stared at Ron in shock.

"Do you think I _want_ to be molested by _you_? Are you out of your mind?"

Ron's lip trembled.

"Oh right, of course, I'm not _worthy_ of the great Hermione, I'm nothing like _Lockhart_!"

Hermione blushed and then looked quite perplexed.

"I- well- you- I- you are an insufferable git! I can't believe you would even _consider_ me having feelings for you! And I- I- I _love_ you!"

And then Ron and Hermione started making out. If Hermione looked perplexed 10 seconds ago, it was nothing compared to the faces of the Gryffindors, shamelessly staring at the two kissing friends. Lavender cocked her haid to the side, trying to comprehend this strange situation. Harry was finally cought out of his one sided fight with the Weasley twins.

"What just happened?" He asked Ginny, who so far hadn't said a word.

"Er, well, _apparantly,_ they both, er, _love_ eachother…"

Harry and Ginny both took their time staring at the strange yet quite predictable turn of events.

"You know," Ginny started wisely, "that actually-"

Ginny never got to finish her sentece because something touched her feet. She gave an audible scream.

"Are you allright?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Er, yeah, er, what was that?"

"Well you tell me, I-" Harry's eyes widened. "You mean, _that_?" He whispered to Ginny quietly.

Ginny nodded fearfully. "What do you think it is?" She asked.

Harry shuddered at the thought. "Honestly, I don't even want to know."

Ginny smiled, and asked seductively, "Well, do you think it's us? I mean, _actual_ people? Like, er, _me_ and, er, _you_?" The last part was asked rather shyly.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Ginny looked at Harry strangely.

"I hope so."

As if watching a tennisgame, all eyes left the Rione (as the Hermione and Ron couple was now dubbed) and turned to Ginny and Harry, who were now making out. Ron finally parted Hermione's lips and stared at Garry (or Hinny, the name was still debateable). Ron's ears were as red as his hair.

"GINNY?!"

Ginny opened her mouth to say something, but something else caught here ears.

"Well, now that I'm done with that very exciting and enthralling list, I will continue the speech."

His half moon glasses landed at the Gryffindor table, and Dumbledore winked. The Gryffindor students blinked stupidly in response.

"As some of you more observant students might have noticed, we have some _very_ special guests this year at Hogwarts! The dementors from Azkaban have joined us this year." Dumbledore announced.

The tone in his voice had now gone terrifyingly low, and even a Hufflepuff first year could understand that Dumbledore was not happy about this.

"Ah where was I? Moments like these make me wish for a lemon drop! Severus, if you please?"

Dumbledore's twinkling eyes looked pointedly at Snape. The greasy git stared at Dumbledore in shock and horror. Then slowly, and carefully, as though handling a toxic item that could explode at any moment, Snape took a wrapped lemon drop out of his pocket, unrapped it, and reluctantly gave it to Dumbledore, who popped it into his mouth, revealing a face of pure joy.

"Senile old man." One could here the overgrown bat mutter.

"Ah yes, the dementors! Since these fascinating creatures, are not very safe, I have decided to give you a brief history lesson of dementors!"

Dumbledore flicked his wand and with a loud '_thunk_', a large tome of at least 1000 pages dropped at Dumbledore's feet. The students didn't even need to listen any longer, to know that Dumbledore was planning on reading _everything _a loud.

As soon as one could say '_Antidisestablishmentarianism_', the Gryffindore table continued their chaos. Every 10 seconds, another student made a loud exclamation, followed by blaming the wrong person. This had been going on for about half an hour, before a large '_thunk_' was heard from under the table, and something very unexpected popped out from under the table!

**A/N:**** Short chapter this time. I'm sorry! Do you like **_**this**_** use of **_**spaces**_** or do you prefer the way things were spaced in the previous chapter? Please tell me! A cookie if you can guess where I got 'before you can say Antidisestablishmentarianism' from (a hint, it's from a British sitcom). You get a whole tray of cookies if you can guess what (or who) pops out from under the table! The next chapter will be up soon! R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: OMG! I'm sooooooooooooo sorry I haven't updated in like, half a year! Not that you guys care, but I do :P... I've been so busy with school, and work, and life, that I haven't found the chance to update. I had this chapter in my computer for months! Anyway, this is the last chapter, I'm sorry it's so short. I hope you enjoy it!**

** The Imax Article **

"Dobby?!" The entire Gryffindor table exclaimed. Dumbledore didn't even look up from the huge noise the house table just made.

"Hello Harry Potter sir! Dobby is very pleased that the great Harry Potter remembers Dobby's name!"

Harry looked completely flabbergasted. He opened his mouth to speak, but he only managed to make a few vowel sounds. Lucky for Harry, Hermione managed to find her voice.

"Dobby, what in Merlin's knickers were you doing under the table?!" Dobby burst into tears. "D-Dobby didn't _mean_ to makes big disturbance, Harry Potter's bushy friend!" Hermione flushed at this comment. "Dobby was cleanings unders the table when Dobby saws all these dirty shoes! And Dobby decided to clean the shoes!" Dobby sobbed.

"And now that everyone is fully informed of what a dementor is, we can continue on to the next topic." Dumbledore suddenly cut it. "I see you are all very saddened at the fact that there is nothing more to say about dementors, but you don't have to worry! This enthralling start of term speech isn't over yet, much more is about to come!" A Slytherin suddenly screamed of frustration, and stormed out of the hall, muttering something unintelligible to himself.

Dumbledore just twinkled at the Slytherin who will remain to be unnamed. "Well, this morning I was reading the Prophet, and while reaching for my delicious lemon drops, I saw such an amazing article, I just knew I had to share it with you! It's just a small article about the importance of socks!" A few of the students laughed, but stopped abruptly when they realised that Dumbledore was being serious (don't start with the Serious/Sirius jokes!). Dumbledore took out of his pocket a tiny article, and relief was spread throughout the hall, but was quickly taken away when Dumbledore enlarged it to an article the size of cinema screen (imax!).

"Ahem" Dumbledore started.

Meanwhile, Dobby started banging his head against the table. "Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby! Bad Dobb-"

"No Dobby! Stop it!" Hermione screamed. Dobby looked up and saw many beaming faces at him.

"Dobby," Harry started. He then turned to look lovingly at Ginny, "I think for once you did something right"

Then, Dumbledore finished reading his article.

Ginny sighed happily, "Dumbledore just finished his speech. Isn't that the most beautiful ending to a perfect story?"

Everyone cheered in agreement.

**The end!**

**A/N: sniff such a beautiful ending! anyway, to make it up to you guys, I've written a one-shot. It's a 'forbidden love' story, and it has a really surprising, and rather funny twist at the end! PLEASE read it! It's called Squobby, the title will make sense after you read it. **

** Oh yeah, please Review! **


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